Pay for the Wall
Comedians work hard to make hilarious situations come to life on stage. When you buy a ticket to a comedy show, you're paying to build that fourth wall. Heckling tears down the precious wall for your fellow theatre-going Americans.
Stage combat, screaming, wildly gesticulating limbs, too many scarves hidden in your pants, unicycles, weighted juggling balls. The life of a comedian is riddled with danger and injuries. Covering a comedian's medical bills protects America's laughter.
USA-China Trade Reform
We need more Chinese Finger Trap gags in modern comedy. I cannot emphasize this enough.
Honestly, guns fucking suck. I'm not even going to make a joke here, you dumb assholes.
It's time to laugh at money again. When was the last time we made fun of people who handled money? As comedian, I promise to lampoon the idea of money.
Despite the fact that I am "very white," my comedy is approachable and accessible to people of all walks of life. Come hang out at a show. Bring anybody you want. Everybody is welcome.